A and M are twins at 11 years old. A is a very intelligent and mature 11 year old. She thinks before she speaks and is very pointed in her questions and responses. She is starting to get into what her peers think of her, the clothes she wears, etc. She is a people pleaser too. She wants her Dad, Mom, teachers, friends, siblings, and even I (to an extent) to like her. She will be the wild card of these three kids.
M is less mature. She thought the skulls on my sunglasses were snowmen. She loves Phineas and Ferb (huh?) and playing video games on the internet. She believes she really has won a new Wii when the advertisement pops up. I have gotten more viruses on my computer because of that child than I have ever gotten in my life. She is tenderhearted and tries her very best everyday to do the right thing. She is a sweetheart and does the cutest things. But then…she’ll let one out like she did last night at dinner.
Dad: I’m going to get seconds.
M: You know what else you can do? Get me more juice and more food.
I think I even said, “Wow. Really?”
These kids are not mine. They are his and his ex’s. When R first moved into my place the biggest irritant was that none of the kids…not a one…said please or thank you. For anything. I wonder if I am alone in this frustration of demands that come out all the time? I was brought up that if you wanted someone to do something for you, you (a) asked, and (b) said please. Then when they did it, you said thank you. Am I totally off base? The kids are 11 and 16! Shouldn’t they know this?
I wonder if I have unrealistic expectations (gotta love the corporate lingo that comes out all the time.) Are my expectations that they say please, thank you, and you’re welcome, naïve? Am I expecting too much from them? I really don’t think I do.
And what about table manners? It took several weeks of visits to get through to N (the 16 year old) that you cannot just roll up to the table and start eating. You must wait until everyone is seated. And he still forgets. But he is getting better.
I need to remember that they are not mine, and there is nothing I can do about 11 and 16 years of people not guiding them in proper table manners. I look at R and think, how could you not teach them this?? I’m not expecting that they are “seen and not heard,” but that they ask that something is passed rather than reaching around and knocking over someone else’s milk.
How do you gently guide them (because I am not the mom) in the ways of doing things to make them polite members of society?
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