Boo!

It is the Friday before Halloween and we're going to chaperon the girl's first dance tonight. 6th graders have their dance from 3:15 to 5:15. So cute that it isn't even at night.

Of course this small thing cannot happen without significant controversy. The ex didn't know about the dance so of course it caused a HUGE issue. We can't chaperon the dance. That is not acceptable. It's HER day. We can't see the girls that night. We just want to take them from her that night. She can't believe we would do this without getting her approval.

From what I understand she considers herself the "school and medical" person of what they used to be.  He is of the opinion though that he does more with "school and medical" than she does and she knows it. I see him taking all the kids to the dentist and N to his medical appointments. He goes to conferences, soccer games, basketball games, everything. But she still seems to think that he is a useless piece of crap who can't do anything.

So it will be interesting to see if (now that she knows) whether she'll be at the dance. I think she will be. But since she has to work until 4:30 or so, who knows. But I think she'll be there. Which will totally ruin it. She can't let us do anything alone that might give us memories with the girls that she can't taint or be apart of somehow. It is so hard.

Who are you? And who the hell am I??

We're 2 months back from our honeymoon and you would think we were different people. We speak different languages all of a sudden. He's speaking Chinese and I'm speaking Ancient Greek. I'm sure of it!

For 6+ years we've had no problem communicating. And suddenly we've gotten to where we wanted to be and BANG! We can't talk any more without really pissing off the other person.  A small conversation turns into a battle of Biblical proportions. We never had fights (beyond one major one) while we were dating. I just don't know what to do next.

Top that with trouble at work and my life feels like a chaotic mess. Some days I just feel like I can't do it any more.

Irresponsible, uncaring, selfish, Bword...I guess that's how you see me

Those were all terms that the ex called me last night.  She dropped the girls off last night at our house. This NEVER HAPPENS. We always pick up and drop off. ALWAYS.  There is a reason for this. The boy is handicapped and needs a handicap van. So the van goes with the kids. But it is a real pain for everyone on our end and she just gets to sit there and enjoy the ride.

But I digress.

Hubby and the boy were at the movies, having taken the day off of school after a medical appointment. The ex was dropping the girls off. I was taking the girls to the movies for the second of a double feature for the boys. So far no issue. But I got held up at work and I lost track of time.

I was late.

She was early.

Chaos ensued. Well, for a normal, rational person it wouldn't have. But for the ex it did. The girls are 12 and know the garage code to get into the house. They stay home alone all the time. No problem. She didn't leave though. She waited.
and waited
and waited

and got angrier and angrier and angrier as she waited.

When I got home I was ambushed and called every name under the sun. I stood there and listened and let her rant. I let her yell and scream and call me names. Thank God it is cold and the neighbors had their windows closed and were inside. Then again it would have been a good show for them. When she was finally finished she asked if I had anything to say for myself. In a very calm and caring voice I said, "I'm sorry." Then I turned around and walked into the house.

She continued to yell and call me names.
I continued to walk.

The girls were sitting on the couch texting their friends. They missed the whole thing. Part of me is happy about this. No kid should see their parent completely flying off the handle. BUT another part of me wishes they had seen and heard everything. Wishes they had seen the crazy we deal with every day that they don't believe exists.

But that...THAT...is the irresponsible, uncaring, selfish thing. So I remain happy that I was the adult (to her 10 years my senior) and I was the calm one and that I responded the way I did and walked away. The high road sucks. I hate the high road.  It is the hard path, the place without instant gratification, where you don't get to say exactly what you think while you're thinking it.

But it is not the weak place. Had the girls seen it all, they would have seen me responding in kind to their mother, who will never do wrong in their eyes. Who will always be Number One. And I would have been the bad guy regardless of what a rational person might have done in a similar situation.

Instead I acted as though they were watching. I took the high road. I apologized and left without calling names or saying hurtful things. And if they did see me, I am proud of the way I acted and I hope they choose to mirror my actions and not hers. Hope.

Another day. Thankfully

Today I woke up hearing someone on the radio saying "If this was my last day on earth, would I want to spend it this way?"

Made me think. It also made me stop "saying no" to my husband that morning. Would I really want to look down from the pearly gates and think, "Man why didn't I just give in and say yes even though I was really not all that in the mood?" Noper.

It has made me think, what am I doing in life that would make me disappointed if I spent the last day of my life doing it? Work (obviously) but beyond that, I can't think of much. If today was my last day, it wouldn't be too bad. Time with hubby this morning, work, lunch on a patio enjoying one of the last 80 degree days, work (kinda), home, dinner with kids, night with hubby. That's not such a bad life.

screen free dinners

The girls got cell phones for their birthday. As a result we had to institute "screen free" times. Specifically dinner. No cell phones at dinner. It seemed easy, but of course one of them had to break the rules. Having set no consequences in place, we were kind of stuck when one was texting under the table.

Really?? You think I can't see you just because you're doing it under the table? Oh, wait...that's probably what the cop would say when I'm caught texting and driving. Hmm...  (and a caveat here, I only do this when I'm in the car alone. With the kids I wait...that cargo is too precious to take silly risks with.)

Anyway, screen free dinners started last night and we'll see how it goes. Since they cannot be trusted to leave the phones in the living room (it was in a pocket on the way to the table and then under the table for texting), they will have to keep them on the table.

What I don't like is that Dad is just not as on board with this as I would like. He's not a disciplinarian (which is why his kids are disrespectful) and I simply will not put up with it. I know I'm not their mom, but I will not tolerate them being disrespectful to me or him while they are with us. It is an uphill battle. I wish I could talk to other step-mom's in the same situation and find out what THEY do. It makes me feel like the "evil step-mom" I'm trying hard not to be.

Sigh.

hospital scare

Hubby was admitted into the hospital last week. Massive pulmonary embolism. I wasn't real sure what this meant, but I now know that it is a blockage of the main artery that goes into the lungs. He also had blockage down both lungs. The doctors were surprised that he was still alive. I thought he was going to die. I thought I was going to be a widow after just 90 days of wedded bliss.

Thankfully, he's ok. He'll be on medication the rest of his life, but hopefully we won't have to go through this again. I was so scared.