Sharing the big news

This weekend we shared our big news with AM&N as well as my family.  It did not go as planned, but things rarely do when it comes to my step kids. J

We were going to tell them Friday night after dinner. Friday we picked them up and M was in such a foul mood that we decided not to tell them anything. We were quite worried. What if she was like this on Saturday? We had planned on telling everyone Saturday at a BBQ we were having. We decided that worst case scenario is they would find out with everyone else.

Luckily the worst case scenario didn’t happen. Everyone (even N) was in a great mood on Saturday. The girls and I ran some errands while R worked out in the yard before the rain came. Around noon or so we sat them down and told them that we were having a baby. They were excited. Or seemed to be. M was the most excited. She wants to be a mom more than anything in the world, so this was fantastic in her eyes. A was more reserved. She’s like that though. Thoughtful and acts like being excited is just not worth the effort. N seemed excited, but as excited as a boy would get with news like this.  They promised not to tell anyone until we were ready to break the news at the BBQ.

So 2 pm everyone comes over and starts chatting and such. About 2:15 or so, once everyone was into their first glass of wine (everyone but me that is) I handed out “Memorial Day gifts” to my parents and sister. They were quite confused, but played along anyway. Mom opened hers first and it was a onesie that say “I <3 Grandma”. She read it and didn’t get it at first. “I love Grandma? I don’t get it? What is this?” My father, however, looked like someone had told him that he had just become President of the United States. The shock on his face was incredible. My mother finally understood what was happening and asked “Are you having a baby?” To which we responded yes. At that point I think my Dad’s legs gave out because he had to sit down. 

Hugs started then, Dad regained his sense of balance and gave me a big hug with tears in his eyes and told me how thrilled he was. He later told me that his priorities had suddenly completely changed. He was going to lose weight because he wanted to be there for this baby. He was on the edge of tears the whole day. My dad is a big guy. Gruff, about 6’2” or so, 280-300 lbs or so. So seeing him cry was crazy.

Everyone was shocked. My mom later asked me if R had “talked me into” having a baby. I assured her no, he did not. R was offended by that later on, but whatever. It was an incredible experience telling them and seeing their reactions. An experience I am so glad I got to have.

The interesting part of the whole long weekend was the reaction by the girls. They have become very protective. Making sure I am not working too hard and staying calm and relaxed. We went to the club and I explained that I couldn’t sit in the hot tub or sauna now because it would elevate my blood pressure too much. For the rest of the weekend they were on me about not letting my blood pressure get too high. J It was very sweet, and completely unexpected.

We dropped them off last night and have them again tonight. It will be very interesting to see how they react today and in the future, now that their mom knows. To see what kind of venom and poison she drips into their ears and hearts. But until that time comes I am going to enjoy it. It really felt like we were a family this weekend.

And I liked it.

I hate waiting

It is amazing how your perspective can change in just a week with a little bit of knowledge. Suddenly I’m going to be a mom. I have the excitement and joy of figuring out how to tell family and friends. Planning the nursery. Buying baby clothes and other baby doo-dah’s. Oy!

But it still doesn’t seem real yet. I feel like I should take another test, just to be SURE I’m still pregnant. Yes, I’ve taken 4 already, and YES they have all been positive. But I feel like there should be more. Like there should be this feeling that something is happening. I don’t feel anything. It’s quite odd.

I also have determined that 9 months will go incredibly slowly. The last week has gone slowly, as I put on a new shirt in the morning and pull it out as though there was a belly there and contemplate how long I can continue to wear it. Jeans too. How many extra inches do I have in these jeans? How do I keep my weight gain between 11 and 20 pounds when I am suddenly starving ALL THE TIME?

My biggest problem is that when something is going to happen I just want it to happen. I’m not big on delayed gratification. I would not choose to wait for anything. If I could I would get a ticket someplace and leave later that day. The anticipation, while exhilarating for some, is distracting to me. I am singularly focused when something big is going to happen. I like it all planned, organized, and ready to go…immediately. So this waiting thing has me stumped, and I am concerned that it will only cause the 9 month period to last e v e n   l   o   o   o   o   n   g   e   r.

Add to all of this is my ridiculous ability to jump to only horrible conclusions for small things and I have a long 9 months before me. (For example I am having left lower quadrant pain, therefore it is either a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. I’m sure it’s not just gas.)

On another front, we are telling AM&N on Friday about the baby. R thinks that everything will be fine. I think he is stupidly optimistic. I think everything will be fine until Evil Ex finds out about it. Then it is going to be hell for a while. I am nervous about telling them. I’m terrified about her finding out. I’m stressed out about the whole thing.

Saturday it is my turn to tell family. We’re having my parents, grandmother, sister, and favorite aunt and her family over for a BBQ with the kids. I have onesies for Mom and Dad and a bib for my sister. I thought about getting wine glasses that said “Grandma” and “Grandpa” but I was worried that they might not get it as we’re trying to get the kids to use those terms. Regardless it should be an interesting weekend ahead of us. But as it is only Tuesday I’ll just have to wait for it.

Oh shit

I’m pregnant!

Not too pregnant. But pregnant none the less. We’re about 3 weeks along…give or take. We were off the pill for less than one month.

This seems almost like cheating compared to my friends who have tried for months and years to get pregnant, and then only do so with medical assistance. Even R and Evil Ex tried for 5 years. But, my dear Mum told me when I got married the first time that I should stay on the pill until I was SURE I was ready to have a child because it happened quickly when she got pregnant with me and it seemed she used my father’s toothbrush and was pregnant with my sister. (Her words.) I also have a grandmother who is the mother of 7 with the last coming when she was around 45 years old and 8 months before my grandfather died.

Knowing these things did not stop it from being a surprise. I presumed it would take us a few months at least (I’m 37 for God’s sake!) and I was hoping it would happen after our first anniversary so I could enjoy the wine we bought in Italy specifically for that celebration. But, c’est la vie.

So now I find myself at 37 pregnant for the first time and not really believing it. I know it is true. I’ve seen the tests…I’ve taken 4 of them now. They all come out the same, plus or two distinct lines.

We had decided earlier that we would not find out the gender of the baby until the baby comes. I’m hoping for a boy though. So is R. He wants a healthy baby boy who can go to car shows with him and go to swap meets with him and pick out car parts for restoring cars. I want a boy because I think I can better relate to boys, and I already am seeing what the ‘tweens do to girls and I am NOT interested in dealing with that again. So I will hope but we won’t find out unless baby wants us to.

I have my first appointment in about a month, presuming everything sticks as it should. I feel good though. I don’t feel sick or sore. I am tired and craving protein all the time. I have actually lost weight, but this is attributable to the hour long walks R and I have been taking nearly every day.

So now the question is how do we tell the kids and how do we tell my parents. Parents are easy. The kids are hard. I think M will be thrilled, A will be upset, and N will be ambivalent as usual. I suppose I shouldn’t say I am worried about the kids, so much as I am worried about what Evil Ex will say to them to make us the devils she sees us as. I am sure it will be “he doesn’t love you/won’t love you as much” “he’s starting a new family and won’t want you around” etc. She’s horrible and she would pull this kind of crap. But I will stay positive and hopeful that she takes it well and does not use this as another reason to poison them against us. There is no reason for us both to be negative.

I wonder how the kids will adapt to having another sibling. I wonder if they will accept baby as a sibling, or if baby will be “Jen and Dad’s kid” rather than “my brother/sister.” The whole thing makes me nauseous.

Or that could just be the pregnancy. ;)