Every now and then there is a day that is incredible. Incredible for small things, not something big like winning the lottery, but small things that add up to a big thing feeling.
Today is that day.
It started out rough. I picked a fight with R and then I pushed it on rather than getting over it. I was crabby and made him feel bad. That is not a very nice thing to do. Despite this, he was cheerful and pleasant towards me. I truly don’t deserve him. He is a good man and sometimes I don’t treat him the way I would like to be treated. He dropped me off at work and I moved on.
A set of my old college friends had their 15th wedding anniversary yesterday. They posted pictures of the bridal party in which my ex-husband and I were happily a part. It was a wonderful wedding. My ex commented on her post as did his girlfriend. I would say his “new girlfriend” but she’s not new. They’ve been together for 6 or 7 years now. I clicked on her facebook page and scrolled through her wall. Looking at the posts she made, and then his responses to them. All I could think was, “Wow. I dodged a bullet.” He’s the same guy he was in that picture from 15 years ago. He has not changed. He has not grown up in the least.
Leaving my ex was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He wasn’t mean, he didn’t cheat, he had a job and a car, and we had a house. He didn’t drink to excess, do drugs, or beat me. But he was absent. He played video games. A LOT of video games. I would joke that he could get everything he needed from the computer, so he certainly didn’t need me. Then I came to realize that this was true. He didn’t need me. I was there to clean house, mow the yard, wash clothes, cook meals, etc. Beyond that I had no value to him. So I left.
People would ask why, and I would explain that he stopped giving a damn about me. They would look at me like I was crazy. They knew me and knew I didn’t need to be treated like a princess, and they just couldn’t understand. But I knew I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t do that forever. I owed it to myself (and him) to break it off instead of wallowing in this miserable situation. It was hard, but it was worth it.
The second incredible thing that happened was that a got a lot of what I needed for free. I have been writing my husband love notes since we got married. One a month discussing what happened that month and a quality of his that I love. They are on the computer and I needed some stationary to transcribe them onto. The problem is that I rarely get 10 free minutes to go to a stationary store for something like this. So in a moment of brilliance I went to our onsite FedEx/Kinko’s. I explained what I was doing and what I needed and not only was I given more paper (cut in ½ so it is more like stationary) than I needed, I also got it for free. “Happy anniversary. Pay it forward” she said with a smile.
I pay things forward a lot. More than most I think. I’ll pay for the child’s candy behind me in line. Buy a strangers lunch because I accidentally walked in front of them. Pay for a coffee for someone else. They are little things, but I like to think that they mean something to the person who got it. So to have someone pay it forward to me, is really wonderful. Incredible even.
I am so lucky.
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