Punishment

Punishment is an interesting thing. On Monday we had the kiddos and N started trying to “educate” everyone and his sisters (who are 5 years younger) corrected him. He got angry and started yelling about how “normals” hated him and he hated all of us. R shut him down and sent him to his room for the rest of the night. N is 16 and is still being sent to his room. I just sat there and watched.

It is interesting watching R and N interact. Sometimes it is great, most of the time it is not. N gets on R’s nerves instantly. I understand that it is because of 16 years of N being a difficult and demanding kid. And he is. Nothing is ever good enough. Would you like chips with your sandwich? Elicit a response of “What kind!” in a nasty tone. So between N’s nasty tone and sense of entitlement and R’s childhood where he would never dream of responding like that because he would have gotten hit with a belt, it is an interesting sociological situation. Does one drive the other? Can they ever get past these feelings?

And what is my role in all of this? When do I say to R “I think you’ve gone a little too far” and when do I say to N “Don’t you see that when you do X you get Y reaction out of your Dad. And you still do X thinking that you’re right and he’s wrong and you still get punished. As long as you do X you will continue to get punished.” 

Part of me is of the opinion that I have 2 years left to live with this awful dynamic and then he’ll be 18 and won’t come over any more.  But I know that this is not going to be the case. His mom won’t want him at home so he will continue to be schlepped over to our house even though he doesn’t want to come over and R doesn’t really want him either. The “service” dog doesn’t help the situation.

I have never seen such an untrained animal. He jumps onto the counters to get to our food, digs in the garbage can, eats the cat food, eats the cat’s poo, and does everything he can to get at food and eat it.  R hates the service dog. Mainly because we can’t determine who is getting the service; us or him. But as long as the ex has the power, she will ensure that we are saddled with that damn dog and that N will continue to visit.

So how do I try to repair that relationship? Do I try to repair that relationship? Is it my responsibility or R’s? Ugg…