Oh shit

I’m pregnant!

Not too pregnant. But pregnant none the less. We’re about 3 weeks along…give or take. We were off the pill for less than one month.

This seems almost like cheating compared to my friends who have tried for months and years to get pregnant, and then only do so with medical assistance. Even R and Evil Ex tried for 5 years. But, my dear Mum told me when I got married the first time that I should stay on the pill until I was SURE I was ready to have a child because it happened quickly when she got pregnant with me and it seemed she used my father’s toothbrush and was pregnant with my sister. (Her words.) I also have a grandmother who is the mother of 7 with the last coming when she was around 45 years old and 8 months before my grandfather died.

Knowing these things did not stop it from being a surprise. I presumed it would take us a few months at least (I’m 37 for God’s sake!) and I was hoping it would happen after our first anniversary so I could enjoy the wine we bought in Italy specifically for that celebration. But, c’est la vie.

So now I find myself at 37 pregnant for the first time and not really believing it. I know it is true. I’ve seen the tests…I’ve taken 4 of them now. They all come out the same, plus or two distinct lines.

We had decided earlier that we would not find out the gender of the baby until the baby comes. I’m hoping for a boy though. So is R. He wants a healthy baby boy who can go to car shows with him and go to swap meets with him and pick out car parts for restoring cars. I want a boy because I think I can better relate to boys, and I already am seeing what the ‘tweens do to girls and I am NOT interested in dealing with that again. So I will hope but we won’t find out unless baby wants us to.

I have my first appointment in about a month, presuming everything sticks as it should. I feel good though. I don’t feel sick or sore. I am tired and craving protein all the time. I have actually lost weight, but this is attributable to the hour long walks R and I have been taking nearly every day.

So now the question is how do we tell the kids and how do we tell my parents. Parents are easy. The kids are hard. I think M will be thrilled, A will be upset, and N will be ambivalent as usual. I suppose I shouldn’t say I am worried about the kids, so much as I am worried about what Evil Ex will say to them to make us the devils she sees us as. I am sure it will be “he doesn’t love you/won’t love you as much” “he’s starting a new family and won’t want you around” etc. She’s horrible and she would pull this kind of crap. But I will stay positive and hopeful that she takes it well and does not use this as another reason to poison them against us. There is no reason for us both to be negative.

I wonder how the kids will adapt to having another sibling. I wonder if they will accept baby as a sibling, or if baby will be “Jen and Dad’s kid” rather than “my brother/sister.” The whole thing makes me nauseous.

Or that could just be the pregnancy. ;)