It is amazing how your perspective can change in just a week with a little bit of knowledge. Suddenly I’m going to be a mom. I have the excitement and joy of figuring out how to tell family and friends. Planning the nursery. Buying baby clothes and other baby doo-dah’s. Oy!
But it still doesn’t seem real yet. I feel like I should take another test, just to be SURE I’m still pregnant. Yes, I’ve taken 4 already, and YES they have all been positive. But I feel like there should be more. Like there should be this feeling that something is happening. I don’t feel anything. It’s quite odd.
I also have determined that 9 months will go incredibly slowly. The last week has gone slowly, as I put on a new shirt in the morning and pull it out as though there was a belly there and contemplate how long I can continue to wear it. Jeans too. How many extra inches do I have in these jeans? How do I keep my weight gain between 11 and 20 pounds when I am suddenly starving ALL THE TIME?
My biggest problem is that when something is going to happen I just want it to happen. I’m not big on delayed gratification. I would not choose to wait for anything. If I could I would get a ticket someplace and leave later that day. The anticipation, while exhilarating for some, is distracting to me. I am singularly focused when something big is going to happen. I like it all planned, organized, and ready to go…immediately. So this waiting thing has me stumped, and I am concerned that it will only cause the 9 month period to last e v e n l o o o o n g e r.
Add to all of this is my ridiculous ability to jump to only horrible conclusions for small things and I have a long 9 months before me. (For example I am having left lower quadrant pain, therefore it is either a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. I’m sure it’s not just gas.)
On another front, we are telling AM&N on Friday about the baby. R thinks that everything will be fine. I think he is stupidly optimistic. I think everything will be fine until Evil Ex finds out about it. Then it is going to be hell for a while. I am nervous about telling them. I’m terrified about her finding out. I’m stressed out about the whole thing.
Saturday it is my turn to tell family. We’re having my parents, grandmother, sister, and favorite aunt and her family over for a BBQ with the kids. I have onesies for Mom and Dad and a bib for my sister. I thought about getting wine glasses that said “Grandma” and “Grandpa” but I was worried that they might not get it as we’re trying to get the kids to use those terms. Regardless it should be an interesting weekend ahead of us. But as it is only Tuesday I’ll just have to wait for it.
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