I have been away for a long time. Had a baby in January and P is wonderful. J I am a blissful, if exhausted, new mom. He’s 3.5 months now and eating and growing like crazy. A friend told me that when she had a child the child filled a hole that she didn’t know she even had. I truly understand that now. Because he does fill a void I didn’t know existed. His smile warms my heart and his giggles are like sunshine.
On the stepkid front things are good. Since N has not been around (he has not even seen baby P yet) things are great. Our relationship with the girls has gotten so much better now that there is not that poison dripping in their ears while they are here. Additionally, A&M love P. I mean LOVE P. Which is absolutely wonderful. It took some getting used to on my end. Most new mom’s don’t need to worry about the additional balancing that is required when a stepmom becomes a mom on her own. Sharing my baby is hard. But thanks to a wonderful stepmom’s support group here in my city, I was reminded that they want to hold him because they want to be involved. And involved is better than not caring at all. Which they were all right about.
Things have gotten interesting again. Evil Ex is engaged to a Bum and has been since just after we announced we were having a baby. We’ve always thought he was a Bum, but the kids thought he was the Bomb…at first. Fast forward 2 years and he who was the Bomb is now a Bum. Last weekend kids were at Evil Ex’s house and were supposed to go to their friends house for a sleep over, but Friend’s mom asked them to go to A&M’s house instead. So all 3 girls are in A’s room doing whatever it is that 13 year old girls do, and Bum’s son (S) is trying to get into the room. The girls have wedged a chair under the knob (hmmm…not sure who taught them that...oh yeah, me, because he was trying to get into their rooms when they were changing) to keep him out. S’s banging and kicking the door and they finally open it because they think he’s going to break the door. They tell him to go away, and he runs to Bum and Evil Ex and tattles that A&M won’t let him come into A’s room with them.
Bum begins dressing down A&M to S (in front of Evil Ex) and in hearing of the girls and Friend. Friend essentially says, is this normal, because this sucks. And the girls say yes it is and Evil Ex never stands up for them. The conversation goes on and Friend evidentially is quite outspoken about how Bum is being a jerk and how absurd the whole thing is. The girls then go down stairs and Bum starts in on them directly (in front of Friend) about how they need to be more family focused and they need to include S because he’s their brother and they are being rude, mean spirited, drama queens. All in front of Evil Ex who says nothing.
The girls then went to Friend’s house and slept over there. Friend’s mom said, whatcha doing here? The kids explain what happened and Friend’s mom then starts in about how Bum’s an asshat and shouldn’t be treating the girls that way, that discipline should be Evil Ex’s job not his because he’s not their dad, and she should stand up for her kids, not cow to him.
Sunday when the girls came home Evil Ex tries to be all nicey nice to them and A essentially says screw off and storms away. Later A asks Evil Ex if she really wants to marry Bum. Evil Ex says yes. A asks why, you don’t love him. She goes on to tell Evil Ex that she could do better and that the only reason Evil Ex is marrying Bum is because Evil Ex doesn’t want to be alone. Evil Ex said, “I love him and so do you. Got it?”
Interesting.
This lead to a really interesting weekend with the SD’s. They are speaking their minds a lot to us regarding Bum. They marry on 5/25. Evidentially Bum told the girls that on 5/26 things are going to change around there and he’s going to go “all medieval on them.” They didn’t know what that meant (frankly nor do I) but my guess is that he’s going to be pulling the “I’m the man and you will obey me” thing. R thinks it means that he will start hurting the girls. Urban Dictionary seems to support R’s understanding of this phrase, which scares the crapola out of me. Evil Ex doesn’t stand up for her daughters, and N has evidentially said that he rather be at Dad’s house. Hmm…
Evil Ex has been openly nasty to R and I (obviously, given her nickname here.) But I pity her a little right now. I voiced this to R after A&M went back to Evil Ex’s last night. He loudly disagreed with me and I get where he’s coming from. She’s tried to poison the kids against him from the start, and tells lies about us to anyone who will listen. But between us, I still feel bad for her. I feel bad that she is not secure enough in herself that she can be single instead of settling for this oaf she’s marrying. I feel bad that she doesn’t feel that she can speak up and tell him to stop yelling at her kids and focus on his own.
Should I feel bad? Probably not. She’s cruel to me and to R. But…but…but…A&M. They have to deal with her and Bum. They’ll have to deal with him every day once he moves in (which evidentially won’t be for a while still but, whatever). They will have to live in a house with him where he will rule with an iron fist, openly favoring his child over them. Unnecessarily punishing them because they are acting like 13 year old girls. They are not acting rudely or with malice, but they want privacy and they don’t want to play with a dopy 10 year old when their friends are over.
Add to that, what do we do if N decides he wants to come back? We’ve always said that he is welcome, but rarely have meant it. I told A&M this as we were talking about Bum and what is happening. Later (outside of hearing of A&M) R stated that he wasn’t sure he wanted to let N come back. R told N that he was hitching his wagon to Evil Ex and that we were done and N said he understood that. But can you really understand that at 17/18 years old? He’s not a bright kid. Regardless I think the way we could get around this is to make sure that N understands that if he does not follow our rules then he will not be welcome any longer. He won’t be able to treat everyone with respect, so it will be short lived if it ever even happens. N has a LOT of pride and I don’t think that he’ll voluntarily come over if there are not gifts for him.
Throw in problems at work, and waiting to hear if I got a new job or not in another state, and things are so chaotic around here that it is not surprising that I had to come back to the blogosphere. I just need to remember that things will turn out the way they are supposed to. I just need to be patient…but patience is not a virtue I have.
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