Was that a shoe dropping?

What we expected to happen finally did. N (through Evil Ex) has made the decision not to come to our house anymore. He turns 18 in one month, and last weekend N and R had it out about a lot of things. R reminded N that when he turned 18 he could decide whether he wanted to come over any more, but that we could also decide whether he was welcome. After nearly a week of not seeing each other (N stayed at his mother’s during visitation last week) the decision has been made that he will stay there from now on.

So the decision is made. I am happy that the cancer will be out of our house from here on out. But I am a bit sad too. I also feel a lot of guilt because I am happy he won’t be coming over. N caused a lot of tension, anxiety, frustration, and more than a little anger when he was at our house. So NOT having that will be a blessing. BUT…

But he had his moments. Moments when he was really fun. When he was considerate and kind. When he was funny. When he had relevant things to say about what we were discussing and would add to the conversation. There will be a hole in my heart. A small one, but still a hole that only he will be able to fill.

I guess I presumed I’d get to see him at least one more time before this happened. But that seems not to be the case. I feel guilty saying “c’est la vie” but really, what’s done is done and I can’t change it. I just have to deal with it. I never expected that being a step mom would create so many opportunities to bite my tongue.

It will be interesting to wait to see if the other shoe drops and if the girls will treat us poorly because of N's decision and Evil Ex's further bashing of us (which I am confident is occurring). It should be very interesting.

Add to this drama that my mother had knee replacement surgery a week ago. She’s doing great and while progress is slow in her rehab, it is there and so we’re all happy about that.

Nugget is also doing well (or so I can only assume.) He’s kicking around and generally making himself known. I am so interested and excited to meet this kid. I can’t wait to see what he looks like. I can’t wait to see what his temperament is like. I can’t wait to see what he enjoys and what he doesn’t. What kinds of food he likes and what he doesn’t.   I’m also downright terrified about having this child. But that is a post for another day.