I’m having pregnancy pains. Not the normal ones…I’m not sick, my breasts don't hurt, my moods are generally good. No, these pains are in my heart and are related to other people.
I have a good friend in my life with whom I shared my news. I have another friend that I am hesitant to tell at all. We’ll call them A and B.
B and I have been friends for nearly 10 years. We started working together and formed a friendship outside of work. I care for her very much. We went through divorces together, we got new long term boyfriends the same month, the boys left us in the same month. We worked together to get over them. The difference is mine came back and he’s now my husband. She has not gotten over her boyfriend. She works a lot now and admits to doing it to fill time so she doesn’t think about him. We don’t see each other much anymore. She doesn’t seem to want to see me. Now I have this news that I want to share with her. And I don’t know how.
A and I have been friends for 4 years. When I went through a nasty breakup with R, she was there for me. She helped to lift me up. During that time she met Mr. Angry. Mr. Angry wasn’t angry when she first met him. He hid it well back then. He was rich, handsome, and always up for an adventure. He was larger than life, much like A is. They were super happy. I was happy for her, but I was sad for me. Really sad. It was hard being happy for her, but I was in the depths of my soul I was so very, very happy for her. Then R came back and we got back on track. A moved to Colorado to be with Mr. Angry. Then Mr. Angry showed his true colors and was angry. A stayed with him for a while. She tried so hard to make it work, but it didn’t. Mr. Angry had broken it. So A left him and went to California. Then A returned to our state and is living here again.
I have told A. Now she’s distant. She won’t look at me. She has lost her shiny shiny. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t expect this from her. I expect it from B. But not from A. I sent her an email saying that I hope my telling her didn’t cause this distance. Her friendship means too much to me to have something come between it without trying to fix it. I just don’t know what else to do. She has not responded.
I know she hated being a stepmom as much as she loved it. She liked being a resource for Angry’s kids. She thought about kids for herself. She would be a good mom, but is 42 and thinks that ship has sailed. Angry’s youngest kid still contacts her. This makes her sad most of the time. She hates seeing all the family stuff that goes on this time of year with graduation parties and family trips, etc. because she is seeing what she is “missing.” Since she left to be with Angry, I’ve gotten married and another close friend of hers is dating someone pretty seriously. Things changed while she was gone. I think the changes are hard for her. I just don’t know what to do.
I’m generally the kind of person who can be genuinely happy for someone even if I am secretly wishing it was happening to me. Being happy for other people’s successes does not diminish my successes. They might be having a success before me. That’s ok. Life is a unique journey for everyone and everyone gets their successes at different times. Sending negativity out into the world is not helpful to anyone. Jealousy is a form of negativity.
I know most people are not like this. I thought A was. I know B is, even though it hurts. But it is so hard. I knew pregnancy would be painful, but to have people in my life not want to talk to me, or be so hurt by my telling them big news in my life, is worse than I ever expected. I know I can’t be the only person going through this. But with 2 good friends I can’t tell/shouldn’t have told it just makes me so sad.
It makes my heart hurt.
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